Another Lazy Sunday

December 5, 2010

I got there before she did, which admittedly is a rare occasion.  I toss it to the show horses she has under her hood and the lazy donkeys I have under my own.  From the moment I swing open the door to the moment she walks in, I'm asked "party of...one?" about 5 or 6 times.  Feels good.  By "feels good" I mean makes me rethink having had woken up at all.  I sit and immediately notice the poorly dyed mess of hair sitting on top of my quite charming waiter.  Edo.  Strange name but a smile that would make a stubborn baby stop crying. 

"Can I get you something to drink? Perhaps some coffee? Maybe find you some company? I'm off soon."

"Haha thanks for the pity.  My friends should be here shortly though."

"I thought to myself 'What if she really is alone?  I'll get the girl some breakfast' Though you'd assume we were hanging out last night and I felt obliged."

"WOW! Thanks! Mean."

"Hahaha We'll see if he comes."

"You're on a role.  Can I get black coffee?"

"Sure thing"

My would-be bouncer had I accomplished someone else's dream finally arrives.  We order the usual.  Biscuits and gravy.  Per usual, he has much more to fill me in on then I do.  I like it that way.  More so now than ever before, but I'll save that for another entry entirely.  A few names I've heard before and a few new ones.  It's fun to get the guy version of these random drunken nights.  Somehow, he manages to justify stringing along a 19 year old stripper -  not to mention, coworker.  Way to stay away from potential trouble!  Also, thank you for making me feel like my decisions are well into the sane zone.  The extent of my recap as of our last trip to Bob Evans is about 2 sentences long.  "No, that's just a nick name.  Yes, I still like him quite a bit."  He seems content with knowing just that.  I'm content leaving it at just that.  When trying to stay grounded, it's good to keep the emotional reflection to a minimum.

The repetitive echo's at this particular eatery were in full effect this morning.  "More coffee?...More coffee?..More coffee?..."  Guess we should just leave.  We split the bill and I take care of the tip.  My friend wasn't there for all the playful banter earlier.  I knew that Edo deserved more than a couple bucks.  Our frigid walk to the car fighting the wintry winds that seem to have picked up out of nowhere lead to a comforting hug from a friend I can honestly say I love.  Still having another 45 minutes to 1 hour before  my mystery mans practice was over, I decided I'd drive to the parking lot and take a nap.  I wouldn't want to risk him getting out early and freezing to death while I roamed the isles at Target. 

Pulling into the driveway, I can't help but get excited to see him again.  Jones.  Bad.

I fall asleep to some Yeezy.  I woke up to a tormenting earthquake which resulted to be a hump attack on Sha-vaughn'.  She probably liked it.  I did too.

And the day went on...lazily and happily.  Just as Lazy Sunday's should.

Deuces

the sounds of our songs

my heart beats to your bodys melody.  the harmony of our duet rings through the strummed strings of our instruments.  vibrating through harmonically related pitches, your resonance is my tempo.  we do it for the love of music.

Lost in the hope for a future

unique physique
beautiful creature, strong like a tree
and like a good teacher, intelligently free

he'll hold your hand as you walk, call just to talk
make you feel like that floating seed of a dandelion
not sure where you're flying
but comforted to know that you'll land
on the earth of his rock

he'll fill you with thought and emotions
discovering new notions, like
"maybe i'm wrong, and maybe he's right"
he'll make you fly like a kite
as he holds your string tight
and you'll fall into his arms
knowing you're safe
no bells or alarms

yes, a concept new to you is a man who is true
a man who deserves a woman like me
who will set her fears free
and proudly hold tight to his true hearts key

a concept you can't understand
'cause you speak with you hand
and kiss with your fist
embrace with your hate

with your smiling fangs you penetrate, me
infiltrate, me
desecrate, me
can't resurrect, me
or liberate, me
just frustrate, me
you hold me down

a good man won't start a fight just to prove that he's right
but he'll think things through and present them to you
and i'll listen to him, 'cause he's a man through-and-through
and you wonder why i never listened to you

always wet from your sweat and soaked in my tears
wanting to forget 'til the fog of this nightmare clears


wishing one day you will see how you destroy me
but knowing deep inside i need to run
run fast and never turn back
take all my shit and show you my back

praying
our father why art in heaven
while i call thy name
why won't you come
and free me from
this pain you have forgotten
save me today before i am dead
and fogive me his trespasses
as i forgive hate that has trespassed against us
lead me into salvation
and deliver me from his evil
his addictive poison
my own needle
so feeble
amen

not recognizing my own sick reflection
pale and cold like a dead mans complexion
i set on foot in any direction, but yours

still you come home at four, slamming the door
crawl into bed, smelling like liquor
kissing my neck, making me sicker

i close my eyes tight and i try not to fight
hoping you'll get dizzy and stop tryin'
hoping you won't see that lyin'
see that i'm cryin
feel my soul dyin

again you smack me awake and spit in my face
color my skin, killing me from within
beating me 'til my vision fades out
sealing my mouth so i won't scream and shout

no
you are not a man
you're a virus, disease
you're the sickness in me
and though you continue to breathe my air
you are dead to me
apart from me
in debt to me

so while i wish i could say that i wish you the best
that i hope you can find a woman who can handle the threats
and bare with the stress
deal with the beatings
still love you while bleeding
i don't

i wish nothing for you, but only myself
that i find that one that will care for my health

both physically
and mentally

i'll wash the stains from my soul and finally be whole
complete to love and be loved
because for him, i will survive
and i will strive to provide
all that a true man
and woman
deserve

a good start

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. ~Marianne Williamson